YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
