i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
