Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
