it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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