It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
