Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude i'm inner monologue high
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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