I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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