one might say we're banned from that church
Fuck appropriateness.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize