3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
