That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
