can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
