I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
