it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
