We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize