no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
