I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
well you can't waste a boner
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
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