Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm at about main and main street
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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