u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Thank you for not boning my boss.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
