I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
