my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
