I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
