It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
