I hate all girls vehemently.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize