If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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