why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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