fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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