The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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