Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
