hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
