You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
