We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We need to get me chipped asap
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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