I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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