i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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