I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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