I should be sponsored by Trojan
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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