I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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