he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
