see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
