Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize