Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
