Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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