i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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