So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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