i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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