What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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