I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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