carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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