I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
