So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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