A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize