i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
