it's too hot outside to masturbate.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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