he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
