I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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