I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize