Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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