Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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