dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
