I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
