fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
