You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize