Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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