she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
