Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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