I like to think it a success when the cops are called
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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