I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can't turn off my feet"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
