My room smells like vodka and shame
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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