this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize