I've blown a few things in my day
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
