i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
