Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize