I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
