I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
