you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
