Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
