she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
