I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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