I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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