I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
