I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You made out with two different species that night
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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