I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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