I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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