It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
