I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
