Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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