so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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