Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
