we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
