remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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