I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
