@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
