Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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