Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
