Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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