i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
