Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
