my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My pussy is not your playground.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Drake has all the answers
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize