i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
