I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
