My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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