So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
