I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
