You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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