Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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