just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
