i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
