just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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