There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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